The City of Tulsa is great...for Max to poop on!

My dog is so fucking rad.

I Love the Interweb

Your chick loves enormous male aggregate but the problem is that you have small one.

Do not worry! You have amazing chance to solve this trouble.

Now you can enlarge your male aggregate length.

You'll be a king of bed sure enough.

This is an email I got in my spam mailbox (thanks, Gmail!) with the heading, "Enlarge your shlong and you will popular among wives!" "Enormous male aggregate," is my favorite part. I had no idea my wiener was the sum of all wieners. If that was the case, I certainly wouldn't have need to enlarge my shlong. In fact, I would need an aggregate reduction, as arousal would certainly kill me.

I Voted for the Black Guy

Super Tuesday! Holy shit! I was the 319th person to vote at my precinct. I didn't go vote until almost 7 o'clock, so it must be small or apathetic. My guy didn't carry the mediocre state of Oklahoma, but he is doing fairly well otherwise - but not as good as that snarky bitch.

On the other hand, my team did win the Super Bowl. The Giants were my team because I hate the Patriots so much. They were so cocky going into the Super Bowl, even printing up 19-0 clothing and such. I guess they can cross it out and write in 18-1, but that one loss is in the only game that matters. I guess there will be a bunch of kids in Africa wearing 19-0 Patriots tee shirts.

I don't really do anything cool enough to write about, and Max hasn't done anything particularly cute lately.

My Indian Snow Dance Worked, Apparently

I bring you this post from the midst of an apocalyptic blizzard! Well, actually it's just a snow storm, but it is snowing pretty hard. Not even a wintery mix like we usually get, genuine snow. Fortunately it has been like 60 degrees for the last week and the fiendish snow melts as soon as it hits the ground. Although it seems like it plans on snowing all day, so I imagine it will start to stick and then I can play in it.

As much as I like it snowing (I feel like I have been rewarded for my patience with the cold weather with something fun) Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome hates it. I tried to take him out in it a few times and first he tries to hide under the stairs leading up from my front porch (I generously apply the term 'front porch' here) and once I carry him down to the common yard area he shoots me a look that shows both his contempt for moisture of any kind and his desire for me to carry him back upstairs. Then he promptly shits on the floor. He is being a douche bag.

Local Dog Jedi, Adorable

My dog is a Jedi Master. He is small, like Yoda. But unlike Yoda he is the cutest thing going about on four legs. I realize Yoda walked upright. But you get my point. The dog is cute.

Cool Things To Do With Your iPhone

In open defiance of local ordinances, my courageous dog Max takes a big ol' morning poo in a public place. Neither he nor myself cleaned it up. Because touching poop is gross.

I guess I could have done this with any camera, or even any phone with a camera. But I did it with my iPhone. My iPhone and my refusal to let the threat of a $75 fine scare me into picking up warm dog poop. That, in a way, makes me a hero and the iPhone a tool of my heroism.

Holy Shit, Its National Peanut Brittle Day

Crap, to have bronchitis on National Peanut Brittle Day. I didn't know peanut brittle was popular enough to warrant having a stupid, made up holiday. It also happens that this week in January is World Leprosy Week. I guess this is the time when I should feel bad about claiming to have leprosy whenever I get sick. But, let's face it, I'm not gonna.

I Hate When People Call Me, Unless I Need Something From Them

I went into work this morning at noon sharp. Well, 11:50 - P.F. Chang's refuses to treat us like adults (probably a good idea, all things considered) and uses its own time to prevent tardiness. 10 minutes ahead of correct time. I'm not sure how it helps. Anyway.

So I get to work and I am promptly asked, "What are you doing here? You are sick, right?" Of course I am sick, but I am also a trooper so I came to work anyway. See, last night after I got doctored I called up to work and let them know I have the bronchitis, acute. I was pretty much rushed off the phone because the restaurant was busy. "Oh well, I'll just deal with it and go to work," thought I.

So I go home this afternoon, get called by ye olde Chang's and am offered up a deal. Work tonight and spend Sunday relaxing/resting. All day. Seems like a good plan, so I accept. I get to work again at five. I am back home again. Although, this time it was due to cool management and creative shift covering by the manager I should have talked to in the first place.

Here is a fun picture of a cat.

Acute Bronchitis Afflicts Area Man, Better Than Homely Bronchitis

I am stuck at home for the next few days with what seems to be a case of the bronchitis - of the acute variety. It's not a big deal, I suppose, as I get to miss work. On the other hand I need money to eat and buy new stuff. Oddly enough I don't feel too sick unless I dwell on it, or I am trying to sleep; if I just hang around the couch area and play Wii I just feel like it's Saturday.


Here is some news which doesn't evolve me being sick: I am going back to school. Yay! I probably wouldn't have done it without Lindsey's encouragement. Or at least wouldn't have done it so hard. For those of you who might be unfamiliar with just who this Lindsey cat is (which I assume is most of you, as I am not so good at staying even remotely in touch) she is my girlfriend. Of 1 year and 3ish months. Our anniversary is actually September 11th, so suck on that terrorists.

Here is a sample of what Lindsey looks like.

She is a Guitar Heroine in training. Someday soon she will become a full fledged Guitar Master, like myself. I do cut her some slack though, as girls are not designed for video games (other than Mario 3 - she is better than me) and she isn't strong with the Force, as I am.